I'm back, it's been a while oh diary.

I've had time to think, about a lot recently. Things have been different, I guess things are finally starting to feel somewhat complete, as odd as that may seem. A topic that is pretty sensitive to many.

Life.

I've had a lot of time to analyse friends situations and people's conception of the world. Often hearing the phrase.
"Arghhhh, life is so shit, I wanna kill myself."

This really pisses the fuck me off my chair.

Life is complex thing, even though each beings may seem so insignificant.

Life is there to live.

to experience.

to win.

to lose.

to see.

to feel.

to hear.

to hate.

to Love.

Life is there to be LIVED.
Pessimism is the key to let life pass you buy. No-one waits for the miser on the side of the road criticizing the world. Pessimism holds you down. Limit's your existence.

Life does have its downs, but they aren't there for self-pity, they are there to experience, grow. I may just be sounding like a steroid pumped motivational speaker.

But it's the truth.

I made the conscious decision, to not let things pass me by. It completely changed the way I think. Everyday is not "just another day" or just "bludge subject day," but rather an opportunity to live, an opportunity to experience.

Life is a beautiful thing. It's like a bird who's wings have been clipped by pessimism.

You could be the bird that soared to heights you never thought were possible, or you can sit back and criticize the way it falls and the way it falters, but in the end, your still the one on the ground.

Next time you say it, you know what I'm talking about.
"Life's shit."

Really think, is it really?

What can you appreciate?

Remember that, your probably just into your adolescence, you have your whole fucking life infront of you.

Have dreams.

Have hopes.

Have belief.

Don't abuse your time, but love every second of it.

"Come out darkness, bring everyone you know. I'm not running and I'm not scared."

Oh and before I leave, masssssive shout out to a little girl named Mishti, who's birthday was today, well no so little, cus she's older than me now.

Hope you had a awesome day, remember it for yonkers.

- Shazz.

Hey guys,

Today's post is real personal, so don't get your panties in a knot.

Last night, when I came home from a mates house with my parents, my sister told us that we had got a call from India, normal enough I know, but she seemed really uneasy, the call from India was urgent, she said.

Course.

We feared for the worst.

Mum dialed the number, seemed to take forever.

My uncle picked up the phone and told us the news.

My mum's uncle had died.

I didn't even know him. He was just another familiar face.

The scariest thing was that I didn't know where I stood. At all.

I was completely off guard, I didn't even know how to react, whether I should be sad, grateful the news wasn't about my grandpa, nothing.

I was feeling guilt you know, because I wasn't sad. But should I?

Should I feel sad?

Theres only so far empathy can go.

I didn't know him. I met him maybe once.

It really bothered me.

You may be thinking, "Oh dude, all you think is where you stand? What about your family?"

Well if I did know, I wouldn't be writing here, and again, how can I feel what I haven't experienced?

I guess its the price we have to pay by living here.

I think thats just another thing we have to live with, our whole family is in India, I don't know all of them and because we're down here, we miss out on so much. I missed the whole extended family thing all together.

It's quite confusing, to determine where you stand when it comes to this, you just don't know what happens, whats gonna happen. You miss out on so much general knowledge, almost the whole culture flies over your head, and when you finally get the chance to go meet your family, you feel like complete outsiders.

I guess you think that our family back in India should be mature enough to look pass this, and they probably are, but it really saddens me.

I miss out on the joys and the pain they endure also, like yesterday.

Completely separated.

I haven't really understood where I stand, but I think I will.

"Death is terrifying because it is so ordinary. It happens all the time." - Susan Cheever.

-Shazz.

Well,

Here we are again.

It's raining outside,

I love the rain, I guess it just calms me, brings me back to terms with real life.

Well anyways,

I was watching the news the other night and I don't know why, but all the stories that night reflected human ignorance and greed. It really got me thinking, more than it should.

Humans are animals, yes? After all, each individual man wants to survive, no matter what.

Survival of the fittest, Darwin's theory.

Humans are inevitably reduced to survival of the fittest. There are still people living in our world who's only obligation is to get food on the table for their family or themselves.

But lets look back 100 years.

This obligation was not only for 3rd World countries but for a lot of the population. The poor class was the most dominant. Only the rich had the ability to dream. Newton, Bohr, all of them of the richest. They had no quarrels about food and such trivial matters.

We have come a long way.

People these days, can think and I mean really think.

Think about not just themselves but the people around them.

Think about the world and the problems present.

Most importantly, every man has the ability to Dream.

If we have come so far in only so long, imagine what we are capable of.

So much.

People can think now, and really appreciate what we are here for.

Unity

This is how human kind will achieve unity, when every single man will think and acknowledge that things need to be done, action needs to be taken.

The world will truly change.

Right now,

Our lives are consumed by greed.

"The rich man's inspiration becomes the beggars greed"

-Shazz

Ah,

back I am.

really getting into the cycle of school now, settling in I guess.

Makes sense.

There's something about this cycle though, it seems so fucking inevitable. You try so hard to make today different from yesterday, but the harsh reality is that your back in the same reality. You fall at it's wrath no matter how hard you try.

Day in, day out.

That little voice in your head that you disregard oh so much is shot for crying too loud and again you become just another commuter on the train, just another student in the pack, just another person. Shits me.

Everyday, it needs to be different.

Humans need to experience.

Experience everything in their insignificant life here on this speck of life.

Not enough time to stall.

Make try and affect that person's day, yeah, that guy that sits next to you in maths class everyday,

Say "Hi" for a change, who knows what could happen?

Say "Thanks" to the bus driver, might just make his dismal day.

I decided at the start of this week that I would practice what I preach.

There's this one old man, who catches the same bus in the morning as me, for about 3 years.

Next time I see him, I will talk to him. Atleast an effort,

Everyone has their story, and experiences, share yours, make yours, hear others'

Embrace life.

Shazz.

Shit yeah,
New school. I guess four weeks in, I can finally judge.
Its been erm interesting. Really quite interesting. Hmmm,
I've made some bloody awesome friends, which is probably one of the reasons I'm tanking this out.
Staying positive. I dunno.
The last four weeks.
I found that the decisions that I'm making, well they are really forming the kind of guy I want to be.
Just small things. I guess you could say these are the years you really find your own identity.
Thats why the last four weeks have been crazy. I'm finding those parts of my mind that I thought I lost along time ago, rediscovering me. If that makes any sense.
Rediscovering.

Shazz.