yo!

I'm just going to get right stuck into it.

It's only been 4 months and already this year has been fucking crazy.

Everyone is moving, in someway, doing things differently, feeling different, being different. I guess I just can't keep up. It's all a massive overload for me, so goddamn overwhelming. I guess over anything, things have happened this year that will change the state of something, never to return to the state it was before.

I'm not sure but whenever things that are so apparently life-changing I always seem to just sit here and say really?

I think I just don't understand the whole as big as life kind of thing. It's probably because none of it really is. Sometimes I feel as if I should take things more serious than I do because may be I could understand some of what people are going through, but I simply can't. It's just out of my character to think otherwise. Sure there have been situations, especially this year, that have caused my lungs the deflate and wait for my mind to figure out exactly what is going on. But in the end, I'm not sure if it's a flaw but I seem to always put things into perspective. I seem to be surrounded by people who take things really serious. I think it's dragging me down.

I just wanna' be. Experience, have fun, no strings attached, live.

Why take things so serious? Sure, stuff happens, sure it may seem like the worst thing ever, but you know that it's not.

So if you hope for me to appreciate how incredulously bad or good your situation, sorry I can't empathize, it's just not my character.

Sure, there are things that I do take seriously, like my music with my band and with myself. But this seriousness, well it's different to the seriousness rising from problems that are radiating like pieces of shit, it's more the seriousness that rises from dedication and love for music. It's kind of like a scale. There has to be an equality of non-seriousocity and seriousocity. When you lose that balance, we lose the game. There needs to be enough seriousity to respect the music, and respect each other, but there needs to be enough non-seriousity to just have fun, not take anyone too seriously, and not to over-think.

Woah too many seriouses.

We live in the moment, as a friend of mine said the other day. I think it's important to do so, and not bear the consequences and implications of doing so on your own shoulders too much. Who are we to blame, once we tie ourselves down with emotional commitment to things that don't even exist, we are going to be the ones who lag behind the pack.

Oh and take life easily, because chances are, it's doing the same for you.

I miss the times, last year:

> Singing Thousand Miles by Venessa Carlton with Xav in maths class.

> Talking to Tan about girls and music and interrelating the two.

> Making sexy faces to Hai at band practice.

> Eddy screaming my name from across the school

> Simon giving me that look that says: "did you really just say that joke?"

> Making nerdy jokes with my sister in an Indian restaurant

> Having full conversations that just consist of analogies and inside jokes with Dames.

> Teaching Ishwar how to pick up girls, even though I am so hopeless at it.

THESE are the moments that define a year, define me. I hope this year will be the same.

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by us standing in our own sunshine."

-Banu.